JNDRNGS

So after 3 failed attempts, a bit of frustration, a feeling of hopelessness setting in, and a failed trust in the good folks at Hickam AFB, I have now developed a fear of flying. Not in the natural sense of speaking, as I rarely ever do, but this… in explanation:

I woke up one morning and the only thing I could see was a grey mist setting over what seemed to had been a radiant, powerful purple night sky. I quietly finished packing up my things neatly; my shirts in show-room-like squares, condenser microphone in case, small number of fitted caps and headwear. I added enough socks, underwear, and tees to feel comfortable. In another bag I placed my Nike Dunks in neat rows where the toes altered; the matching shoe upside down as if it were in a shoe box, sole to the ground. In my carry-on; MPC and some flash cards, audio interface, and notebook.

I walked without interruption to the door after dressing in plain dark clothes, turning the knob. I’m leaving on a jet plane. I don’t know if I want to come back again. In my head I changed the words to add some sort of appeasement. My keys jingled at my side, hanging from my left-side’s belt loop. Venturing to my car, head hung low from the way life had treated me, my thoughts lingered between possible car accident and Madison Square Garden snakes. Various hues of emotion; I’m hooked to this tune and when they aint playing it right I’m the grouchy dude in the corner of a dimly lit bar. Short-story short my keys hit the ignition, turned and the roar from the engine reminded me of the Africa I imagined. Road signs, road signs… slow down. Road signs. Ah, finally; my exit.

I left the car unlocked leaving the keys under the driver’s side floor mat; registration and insurance in the passenger side visor. If somebody stole this car, they’d get pulled over, arrested… and I’d hoped for a high-speed chase or something to add to the home videos. To the terminal, baggage in-hand… this couldn’t be the end of the world…

to be continued…

NOTE:
• Check out the “MEDIA” section under the “PAGES” —> for music downloads, videos, and everything that we’re doing.
• Maybe one day people will stop trying to ‘understand’ me. Just be there for me, stop trying to understand everything. There are people in my life who ‘get’ me, but it’s not for everyone.

Understanding:

noun
the ability to understand something; comprehension
adjective
– sympathetically aware of other people’s feelings; tolerant and forgiving
- archaic having insight or good judgment.

To those who have been able to peak inside my current situation… the aforementioned is not what I’m looking for. Don’t confuse relating with understanding. Being able to relate will only charge you to make some sort of conclusion about something you experienced that ‘may be like what (I’m) going through.’ So feel me… relate, but don’t try to understand. This is completely from left field I know, but some people know where I’m coming from with this one, and others will have a healthy opportunity to practice the art of speculation.

I came to this topic of understanding because it’s so funny how people be around you for all of two months and think because they see you in a certain light they got you figured out. Dude, for real. My moms and sibs been around me much of my life and aint got there yet. So when did God start passing out exception cards, and more importantly, did he tell you something he thought not to tell the rest of us? Moving on.

I heard this dude talk about something like the army used to mandate proficiency tests… and if you sucked and were not ‘quality material’ you got booted from service… lmao. Don’t you wish we could do that with musicians these days… I mean I’m no Nas or anything like that… but I wish there was like some yearly thing where we could screen ‘artists’ for the quality of their material, instead of the quantity. Now before you get me all the way wrong, I’m all for quantity, but not at the price of risking quality. I believe there is a fine balance that could very definitely exist. It doesn’t to date though. Well maybe… Charles Hamilton (a little bit) – he does records in mass numbers… let’s say out of 12, there are maybe five to eight good joints on it… at least two that realistically had to grow on you, if not altogether as an artist. lol. But Hamilton is dope in my book.

Being fresh vs being overbearing… Nas… fresh or overbearing… to some of yall the dude is as much as outer-space as Kid Cudi, whom I didn’t respect until I heard the ‘Chillin’ joint he did with Consequence. He went in; I think the dude could definitely have some longevity, but it ultimately lies in two things… rap niggas listen to these words… they’re rather serious… it lies in… where your heart really is and how strong you are in character. That’s something you gotta go into any and everything thinking… is my heart in this… who am I really and can my character sustain where my talent may get me, or do I become a puppet? I would love to hear what some of yall think…

NOTE:
• I got vacation time coming up… that would be the ‘ideal’ time to hit me up for beats… and anything else you want to talk about. The entire of month of April I will back on some east coast time zone ish… ahh Little Rock, Arkansas babayyyy!

SHOUTS:
• John Sr. I’m glad you got your job back man. Keep pressing.
• Grip H playing guitar hero yesterday helped me stop thinking about some shit on a serious note man. I needed that like air bro.
• Dan Poh man, the feedback… it’s important to just have readers but it’s good to know someone is processing it beyond letters and line breaks.
• The listeners. I posted some joints that were close to my heart and the response spoke volumes about the spirit of people who enjoy things that are good. I reached more than 700 plays in one week. Unsigned… unknown, but apparently felt… and here I thought that wasn’t possible. Thank you thank you thank you.

I’m sitting in my room now; after a long day of missed calls… a lengthy nap, some new records… even a friend request on myspace that made me wish I knew the girl who added me. I laughed inside, then was like, ‘damn… well, I might as well keep hoping.’ Nothing in the way of good-good happening to me for a while. Completely over most of your heads… that’s cool tho. I was thinking, though, after having read some blogs and thoughts of other people; about a lot of stuff actually. I have this long week coming up and some choices to make that may effect a few aspects of my life.

The court thing happens tomorrow and for whatever reason, I can’t find the damn tickets… and I can’t even laugh at this shit at all… but I’m not going to let that make me sour. I got some joints to write… scenes for this video need to be sketched out… and I’m hoping it comes out alright… I want to shoot some people too… haha. Just kidding.

After a long weekend though, I’m back in this chair staring at the download meter and the clock. I just got my hands of MF Doom’s new record; pretty strong in the way of substance and kind lagging on the composition piece, but that’s Doomskie, I guess… I didn’t hear too many of what I would consider ’songs’ but there was this joint featuring Raekwon… and he definitely shitted on the track. I think it was a very dope effort and I will definitely be picking this up. Also got up on this other cat named “Cubbiebear” from the Baltimore area… his style reminded me of the first time I heard Sage Francis in my high school art class… my art teacher Mr. Green was a huge Sage fan, and I instantly became a fan. The delivery is very different and in it lies diversity which makes it appealing to me. He also a video on his page too… always good to have that visual piece of the pie right?! You can also pick up his record on iTunes.

I came across this sample by “Dynamic Five” – one of the rarest of the rarest records… you don’t believe me huh… ebay it then… punk. I took the most regular shit you could from a sample… and ended up with something that well… fuck it, I like it. Th drums totally shaped this joint… so maybe you’ll hear it one day… maybe not… who cares, right? I threw it together though, and now I like it… I’m going to get my Mike Legend on and lay down some keys on this joint and see where that takes me, I need to take lessons… anybody know of a good teacher…

Oh, before I forget, Tolua, the name you asked me about is Lisa Ann. We got to talk this weekend, always good to converse with the soulful. Which brought me to an interesting point… I think the hardest part for musicians these days… okay, I’ll go as far as to say artists period… is to make themselves transparent…

transparent |tranˈspe(ə)rənt; -ˈspar-|
adjective
• allowing light to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen : transparent blue water.
• easy to perceive or detect : the residents will see through any transparent attempt to buy their votes | the meaning of the poem is by no means transparent.
• having thoughts, feelings, or motives that are easily perceived : you’d be no good at poker—you’re too transparent.
• open to public scrutiny : if you had transparent government procurement, corruption would go away.

and for the most part… it’s because of what was covered in the last definition of the word… we’re afraid to be scrutinized for being open about who we are… damn, that’s a fucked up life to have then. So, I can’t be who I am in front of people, but I can make all of this ‘art’ that people can like, but that they can’t feel; and why? because it’s not really us. It’s some character we created to shield ourselves in some fragile false sense of reality. That’s sad, and I hope if this is you… that you don’t get upset or angry, but you take a look inside and uncover why you’re scared to tell people about yourself… I may have been that way at one point too… but now honesty is the only thing keeping me from becoming a part of the matrix… I just pictured Morpheus kicking in my window and karate chopping my neck off. My thoughts are so vivid I could be a drug. Ha.

Well, I’m not sure what I was trying to cover with this blog at all… so whatever the fuck ever!

NOTE:
• I didn’t eat dinner so I’m hungry as hell… not to be confused with angry – the fact that I’m willing to speak my mind.

SHOUTS:
• Honozooloo’s art show this past Friday was fucking dope homey. I’m hanging the joints you brought through up asap!
• SuperCW for hitting me up about the Lafa Taylor show… mucho funde! We need to start bringing out the local cats who rip the stage down tho!
• 88 Keys I’m biting your ‘Notes & Shouts’ section hahahaaaa… and for “The Death of Adam’ – very dope record.
• People who actually read this blog. Doing it for yall surely.

I’m trying to get above ‘it.’ Pain, poverty, tears, and the blues. I can’t let them to me what they did to my mom’s street. She used to think it was beautiful, and then with a few years of destructive politics, the powers that be destroyed the true essence and the hue of our neighborhoods. Now we’re left with a generation of lost souls in the bodies of kids who don’t know what to be.

I wonder how cool the kid is who stays in my room at the house I used to live in on East 22nd Street in Little Rock. Part of me wishes we could session on life or beats or just skate or something… maybe part of my spirit that existed in that dwelling is still there, even after is burned down and was re-built.

Maybe that’s what needs to happen to this so-called ‘great’ organization we call America. Sometimes the only way to truly rebuild something to standard is to completely tear it down and assess where we faulted the foundation. I don’t want to get into a political scene though. This girl who skates and paints on the side of the off-ramps and the belly of freeway passages is going to read this and appreciate me being conservative. lol.

I don’t know where that came from, but I always wanted to run into a super cool chick that does really understand ‘love’ whether it’s between a person and a person, or a person and a medium. I’ve dated several women, claiming to have understood… my love for H.E.R. Then we talk about ’stuff’ and she reveals that she knows nothing and cares little, and though I want to blame her I can’t because she wants to be number one… in the same way she can’t blame H.E.R. because she just wants to live. And I say it’s better to live… than to fall in ‘like.’

I’m hungry. I think I’m going to go grab some food. The only problem with ‘thinking’ is my brain always goes into the most drastic process of thinking that sometimes it’s better to just jump into the traffic of life… and hope I don’t get hit by a car… speaking of cars… I just thought of myself walking along the road to get some breakfast… and a car on the roadside… explodes. Everything slows down and we realize that the everyday aesthetic of living in a third world country has now come to our front door. I don’t know how people would deal with knowing that ‘that’ sense of security (America) has been shattered… but we somehow are able to deal with school shooting and rape. Maybe because it’s not loud, do we just turn the deaf ear.

I don’t know what I’m thinking, but I’m definitely at the point where I want to share my unadulterated thoughts with you all… in song and in blog. lol. That was deep. lol. I also wanted to take the time to say thanks for the positive feedback from the last song I posted…. I wonder what would happen if you visited my page right now… hmmmm.

since-really yours,

know:juander
zzzZZZZZZzzzz. out

Just because you have something that other people use and are good at… doesn’t mean you’re going to be good at it.

This is a very simple, but very deep topic. I don’t think people realize that what’s good, regardless of the argument of personal taste, is still good and that there is always a general consensus that that thing is good. So, let’s talk music. A hip hop beat or rap song… just because Nas made it don’t mean it’s good. Just because T-Pain wrote it doesn’t mean it’s bad. I think people let their personal tastes for stuff get in the way of rendering an honest opinion about something. The same people that say Kid Cudi is a great song writer will say that T-Pain is a horrible song writer… Now look at what’s good versus your personal opinion… no I don’t care for T-Pain, but I’ll give his record a listen just like I would Kid Cudi’s and regardless of who it is… you’re likely to find something there that you connect with – if your personal tastes don’t rule your life. If it was up to me, hip hop would be the only thing played period… well that, neo-soul and old soul music and rock from back in the day, but the reality is that there is some good commercial stuff. Maybe not artistic… but in the realm it was done in; good.

So where I meant to go with this… is here; just because you use/have Pro Tools, Logic, MPC, FL Studio, Reason, expensive mics, state of the art recording equipment and studios… doesn’t mean that you’re putting out good product. It just means you (a) have the money to afford it or (b) the means to pirate of steal it. Remember that no piece of hard or software can be substituted for talent, niche, soul… whatever you want to call it. Who you are inside will always be there. You can get better, but you have to do it inside first… and you won’t find that at Easy Music Center or the local music equip store… at all. Maybe some good tools, but tools alone.

-know

The joints… (most of you maybe skipped the post just for this huh…)
A2 – Keep on Lovin’ You, Harold Melvin and The Blue Notes – Wake Up Everybody

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11 – The Forgotten Man, David Ruffin – Feelin’ Good

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09 – I’ve Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now), Danny Woods – Aries

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B4 – Be Ever Wonderful, Earth, Wind, & Fire – All in All

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enjoy!
All that I ask is that you comment. Many of these artists don’t see a dime for the impact they’ve had on music and life in general.

Peace ya’ll.