I’m sitting in my room now; after a long day of missed calls… a lengthy nap, some new records… even a friend request on myspace that made me wish I knew the girl who added me. I laughed inside, then was like, ‘damn… well, I might as well keep hoping.’ Nothing in the way of good-good happening to me for a while. Completely over most of your heads… that’s cool tho. I was thinking, though, after having read some blogs and thoughts of other people; about a lot of stuff actually. I have this long week coming up and some choices to make that may effect a few aspects of my life.
The court thing happens tomorrow and for whatever reason, I can’t find the damn tickets… and I can’t even laugh at this shit at all… but I’m not going to let that make me sour. I got some joints to write… scenes for this video need to be sketched out… and I’m hoping it comes out alright… I want to shoot some people too… haha. Just kidding.
After a long weekend though, I’m back in this chair staring at the download meter and the clock. I just got my hands of MF Doom’s new record; pretty strong in the way of substance and kind lagging on the composition piece, but that’s Doomskie, I guess… I didn’t hear too many of what I would consider ‘songs’ but there was this joint featuring Raekwon… and he definitely shitted on the track. I think it was a very dope effort and I will definitely be picking this up. Also got up on this other cat named “Cubbiebear” from the Baltimore area… his style reminded me of the first time I heard Sage Francis in my high school art class… my art teacher Mr. Green was a huge Sage fan, and I instantly became a fan. The delivery is very different and in it lies diversity which makes it appealing to me. He also a video on his page too… always good to have that visual piece of the pie right?! You can also pick up his record on iTunes.
I came across this sample by “Dynamic Five” – one of the rarest of the rarest records… you don’t believe me huh… ebay it then… punk. I took the most regular shit you could from a sample… and ended up with something that well… fuck it, I like it. Th drums totally shaped this joint… so maybe you’ll hear it one day… maybe not… who cares, right? I threw it together though, and now I like it… I’m going to get my Mike Legend on and lay down some keys on this joint and see where that takes me, I need to take lessons… anybody know of a good teacher…
Oh, before I forget, Tolua, the name you asked me about is Lisa Ann. We got to talk this weekend, always good to converse with the soulful. Which brought me to an interesting point… I think the hardest part for musicians these days… okay, I’ll go as far as to say artists period… is to make themselves transparent…
transparent |tranˈspe(ə)rənt; -ˈspar-|
adjective
• allowing light to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen : transparent blue water.
• easy to perceive or detect : the residents will see through any transparent attempt to buy their votes | the meaning of the poem is by no means transparent.
• having thoughts, feelings, or motives that are easily perceived : you’d be no good at poker—you’re too transparent.
• open to public scrutiny : if you had transparent government procurement, corruption would go away.
and for the most part… it’s because of what was covered in the last definition of the word… we’re afraid to be scrutinized for being open about who we are… damn, that’s a fucked up life to have then. So, I can’t be who I am in front of people, but I can make all of this ‘art’ that people can like, but that they can’t feel; and why? because it’s not really us. It’s some character we created to shield ourselves in some fragile false sense of reality. That’s sad, and I hope if this is you… that you don’t get upset or angry, but you take a look inside and uncover why you’re scared to tell people about yourself… I may have been that way at one point too… but now honesty is the only thing keeping me from becoming a part of the matrix… I just pictured Morpheus kicking in my window and karate chopping my neck off. My thoughts are so vivid I could be a drug. Ha.
Well, I’m not sure what I was trying to cover with this blog at all… so whatever the fuck ever!
NOTE:
• I didn’t eat dinner so I’m hungry as hell… not to be confused with angry – the fact that I’m willing to speak my mind.
SHOUTS:
• Honozooloo‘s art show this past Friday was fucking dope homey. I’m hanging the joints you brought through up asap!
• SuperCW for hitting me up about the Lafa Taylor show… mucho funde! We need to start bringing out the local cats who rip the stage down tho!
• 88 Keys I’m biting your ‘Notes & Shouts’ section hahahaaaa… and for “The Death of Adam’ – very dope record.
• People who actually read this blog. Doing it for yall surely.
Keep your head high my man. We all go through peaks and valleys. Seems like you have been on the valley end of the equation with what life has thrown at you for a few weeks. It will get better, and I know that you carry that faith with you. On the transparency issue: As an artist, transparency is a decision that is easy to make and hard to live with. (speaking for myself) For me I chose to put my name on the stuff I talk about, and I think getting people used to that level of personal reflection and introspection is a process that takes alot of time. By that I mean that we came out of a era in Hip Hop where you never had to be yourself, or if you were at all, it was a roided out version of self. So as artists we have to re teach folks to appreciate real emotions and real stories instead of some fake Hollywood version of them. The hard part for me has not been the honesty. It has been trying to deal with the response (both negative and positive) in a way that lets me keep my sanity. You know, some people listen to the project as a whole and analyze the meaning and poetic structure and composition, and this is of course what we ultimately want. Most listeners however are going to have a more casual encounter with your music. That is ok too, but we put so much into the music that sometimes it feels like an insult if someone doesn’t feel it like we do. Through all of this it it sometimes hard to remember why it is that we are here doing what we do. I know I went through quite a big period of doubt that i have just recently started to emerge from. I’m kinda rambling but I guess in conclusion just do you. We all want people to come along for the ride and trust me, the right people will. Just some thoughts…
Blessings. D